Therapy for Straight Spouses
Online counselling from someone who understands
You don't need to go through this alone
Counselling is available for residents of Australia and New ZealandResidents of other countries can access straight spouse coaching
How does counselling help straight spouses?
It can feel very isolating when you’ve been betrayed by someone you thought loved you the most. The person you would typically turn to for help is the one who’s hurt you. Knowing who else to talk to can be challenging because your partner may not yet be “out of the closet.” Or, perhaps, the people you’ve tried talking to haven’t understood the impact of the relationship crisis on you. They may tell you to celebrate your partner’s changes or that you should simply leave.
Talking with a counsellor can be helpful, as it provides a safe place to process your confusing thoughts and intense emotions. You don’t have to suppress your pain or say all the “right things.” You can address your pain and concerns with the support of someone who understands what you’re going through.
It’s important to find a therapist who centres you in the situation and doesn’t make assumptions based on an unconscious or conscious LGBT bias. Your partner is also likely to benefit from their own therapy, too, where they can get the support they need to navigate the complex “coming out” process when they have a straight partner, and often children, too. And sometimes, it’s helpful to see someone together to help you both navigate the changes in the relationship. Discernment counselling as a couple can help you decide whether to separate, keep things as they are, or pursue couple therapy.
Unfortunately, some people see a therapist who doesn’t understand the nuances and complexities of what you’re going through. (If you have an existing therapist struggling to support you with this, you may suggest they reach out to me for a consultation to help them understand the dynamics of the situation you’re struggling with.)
I get something of what you’re going through because it happened to me, too, having discovered that my husband was gay after 24 years of marriage. My personal experience and my work with straight spouses and partners of trans people help me provide you with a compassionate, empathic space to heal, recover, and thrive again. My therapy sessions are usually weekly for as long as you need, or until you wish to end, and do not require a doctor’s referral.
I can offer time-limited or brief therapy, and also longer, deeper psychotherapeutic work to explore family of origin, complex trauma, and more.
You’re welcome to email me or book a complimentary, obligation-free connection call to work out if I’m the right therapist for you.
You may be wondering…
- Where are you based?
- How much does it cost?
- Do you offer rebates?
- Do I need a GP referral?
- How long will I see you for?
- How often do I attend therapy?
- Do you provide counselling for children?
I’m based in Melbourne, Australia, but am currently working online
Pricing can be seen on the appointments page
Health fund rebates may be available for Australian clients if you’re insured with Bupa, HCF, Medibank, ahm, Doctors Health Fund, Police Health Fund, St Lukes Health, Phoenix Health, Emergency Services Health, or Grand United. Medicare rebates are not available.
No, not at all! You can book a session directly, yourself. No GP referral is required, and no reports are written to your GP. This enables our work together to be more private and your therapy is not added to your Medicare records.
Most clients benefit from therapy for some months, as the healing process after betrayal can take time. However, you’re welcome to conclude therapy whenever it is right for you.
Some clients attend fortnightly due to financial limitations, childcare or co-parenting arrangements. However, where possible, it’s helpful to attend weekly, preferably on the same day and at the same time. This provides a secure base and safe “container” for your healing and allows the therapeutic relationship to develop. Consistency is beneficial when so much of your life is in disarray.
I work with adults and young people aged 18 and above. If your child has a regular therapist, you may find it helpful to suggest that their therapist contacts me for a consultation. Your counselling will also have a flow-on effect for your children, as you will be healing and I can also support you in helping them through their challenges. I may also be able to recommend a child or adolescent counsellor in some situations.
Other Services
Relationship Counselling
For mixed-orientation couples navigating the coming-out process and working towards an amicable outcome, and for straight spouses in subsequent relationships.
Discernment Counselling
A 1-5 session discernment process for couples on the brink of divorce, where one is leaning out but not 100% sure, and the other is hoping to save the relationship.
Therapeutic Support Group
This is for when you would prefer to heal in the company of others or when you can’t afford individual therapy. Australian residents only.
