I’m so grateful to journalist and author Sue Williams and DARE magazine (Australian Seniors) for shining a light on an experience so many of us know intimately: discovering, later in life, that a partner isn’t who we thought they were.
The article, appropriately titled “Living a Double Life,” appears in the September/October 2026 issue. Sue shares four straight spouse stories: women and men who found out, sometimes decades into a marriage, that their partner was gay. It’s sensitively written, and it doesn’t shy away from how devastating that discovery can be.
I was one of the people interviewed for the piece, sharing a little about my own experience and why I started Not My Closet:
“Everyone is different. Some stay with the partner. Some try to keep it hidden.” (As a footnote, I’d say there are actually a variety of possible outcomes, although the majority typically end in divorce. While some couples stay together, this can often feel like a forced choice between two subpar options because of the complications of divorcing later in life.)
“I found myself so alone when the man who’d been my intimate partner, and the person I’d wanted to spend the rest of my life with, was no longer available. It takes time to recover from such deep pain and grief.”
So much of the conversation around mixed-orientation relationships typically focuses on the coming-out partner. While it’s important to acknowledge the impact homophobia has on closeted folk, the resulting collateral damage inflicted on straight spouses often remains untold. Seeing it named in a mainstream, widely-read magazine is welcome progress.
Articles like this matter, and it’s wonderful to see one published that doesn’t seek to diminish the impact on the straight partner.
You can read the full article for free by joining the Seniors Community Hub. Look for the September/October 2026 issue of DARE magazine. (I’m hoping to get permission from the publication to embed it here.)
If this story resonates with you and you’re struggling to cope, please know that you’re not alone and support is available. Reach out anytime.
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